I'm dating a lovely guy who is in his first year of medical residency. We've been going on dates and acting somewhat "couple-ish" for a few months but haven't assigned any labels to our relationship. We get along exceptionally well and I really like him though, so I can see this going somewhere. However, we rarely ever see each other and don't talk that much in between. He blames this on his hours for residency, and to be fair they are really long and insane.
Many hour days and sometimes 10 days straight without a day off. I have a fairly business profession, but a lot of other stuff going on most weeknights. I'm busier than many people my age, but not as much as he is. I am very understanding about it and I'm fine with retaining some independence, especially at this stage in dating. But I have no idea how much of his lack of contact is actually due to him being busy or if that's just an excuse to not commit.
I feel like I make a lot of sacrifices to see him and try to make it as convenient as possible for him, which means planning ahead and changing my schedule around sometimes. But I don't know that he does the same for me. I am often kind of waiting around until the last minute for him to contact me and let me know when he's free or I have to pursue him, which doesn't make me feel like he's very into me. Our relationship also hasn't really progressed-- we're still only spending the same amount of time together that we were a few months ago.
I hate that it's all on his terms. It's a gross feeling. You will not be able to get universal attention. There may be many long nights when you'll have to entertain yourself. If your boyfriend or girlfriend can't entertain you on weekend nights, make plans with friends instead. Find hobbies you enjoy. Take up a craft like knitting. Start reading books in your spare time. You can learn to enjoy alone time. You may learn more about yourself and your passions with the free time you gain by dating a doctor.
Part 2 Helping With Stress 1 Watch for signs of stress. Doctors have a high stress work atmosphere. You should plan on helping your partner de-stress after work periodically. If stress is unrecognized, it can cause tension in a relationship. Learn to watch for warning signs of stress so you can effectively address the issue. Your partner may seem somewhat withdrawn and may be quicker to anger and somewhat moody.
If you suspect your partner is experiencing stress, try not to react with anger. Calmly say something like, "Is there something bothering you? Is there any way I can help you feel better? If someone is in a bad mood, you may be inclined to give advice. However, when helping someone cope with stress, it's always best to start with comfort. Advice, especially unsolicited advice, can come off the wrong way even if you have positive intentions.
Actively listen to what your partner has to say, and offer apologies for the fact he or she is feeling this way. Reassure him or her you're there, and that you care. If there is an issue that needs solving, you can get to that later. After offering initial comfort, think about ways to problem solve. Be clear that you're working with your partner. Explain you're not trying to tell him of her what to do, but want to brainstorm ideas to effectively work through the issue.
Especially early in a relationship, you may not know how someone prefers to be comforted. Ask your partner what you can do when he or she is experiencing stress. Listen to and respect his or her needs. It may be something as simple as chipping in with some chores now and then. Understand your partner's needs may be different from yours.
He or she may handle stress in a way that's different from how you handle stress. Remember that different is not bad. Respect your partner's needs. It's important to be proactive when dating a doctor in regards to stress. Doctors face an inordinate amount of stress in their careers, so it's vital that you help your partner de-stress. Plan activities that can reduce stress. Plan for a movie night at the end of a long day, or to marathon watch a TV show you both love.
Suggest you and your practice stress reducing activities like meditation and yoga together. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress. Getting in regular physical activity can really help with your relationship with your partner. Think about planning hiking dates, or taking trips to the gym together.